A Manresa Retreat...

The Palm Tree Lined Drive Entering the Manresa Property

I have written previously about Frank Priest, who was one of my first sponsors in the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Frank was a very important influence in my early recovery.  He guided me through the twelve step program with compassion but also with a level of discipline that I sorely needed.  Much of the time that I spent with Frank involved conversations about the steps, my progress in proceeding through them, and Frank's guidance on my continued growth.

Step four of the twelve step program is, "[We] made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."  I had proceeded under Frank's guidance to complete this "inventory" step, when one day he called me at Hughes Aircraft, where I was working.  "What are your plans for the weekend?"  Coming from Frank, that could have had all kinds of implications.  I told him that I had no plans.  "There's a men's AA retreat this weekend at Manresa, and I've made a reservation for you.  I'll cover half the cost.  It'd be a good time to do your fifth step. (Fifth Step - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.)  You need to do this.  Are you in?"

I agreed to go, but had to ask what and where Manresa was, what was a men's AA retreat, and a number of other questions.  I'd never heard of an AA retreat. The answers were fascinating.

Manresa was a Jesuit-run retreat house in Azusa, California.  This was about 40 miles from where I was working.  Frank informed me that check-in was Friday afternoon, that most guys would arrive in time for dinner, which would be served at 6:00 PM in a common dining hall.  He informed me that the tradition of conducting men's AA retreats at Manresa had begun with a recovering alcoholic priest lovingly referred to as Father Barney and that they had been held for several years.  This annual retreat was a continuation of the first one, held in the 1960s.  Although there were now a number of retreats focusing on recovery hosted throughout the year at Manresa, this was the "real deal," going back some twenty years.  Frank assured me that I would benefit from some fellowship with new AA friends, some profound discussion meetings, prayer and meditation, and completing my fifth step.

A little research reveals some interesting history about the Manresa property.  There's a Web site devoted to the "Father Barney Retreat" that continues to this day.  That site informs us, "In 1947 the property for the new Jesuit Retreat House, to be called “Manresa”, was purchased from two descendant sisters of the early Slauson family in Azusa, California.  The land was once part of the old Rancho Azusa from the early 1800’s.  A large portion of the property was sold to the Monrovia Nursery, and, was to become the largest potted plant nursery in the country.  The Retreat center was located on an island of land within the nursery property and jutted up against the foothills at the east end of the San Gabriel Valley. A very long palm tree lined driveway connected Manresa to the outside world.  The Jesuits owned and operated the Retreat House from 1947 to 1994."

I asked someone at work that week how long I should allow to drive to Azusa on Friday afternoon to arrive in time for sign-in and dinner.  I was shocked when people suggested I leave by 2:30 PM.  This was to drive from El Segundo to Azusa - a distance of around 40 miles!  Allow 3-1/2 hours!  I was told, "You'll be taking the 105 and the 605. They're both like parking lots on Friday afternoon."  I left at 2:30 on Friday.  I barely made it in time.

I recall distinctly driving into a tree-lined road that went through countless acres of flowers with hundreds of laborers tending them as I approached what looked like a mansion in the middle of nowhere.  This was Manresa, and a magic place it was.  It was an imposing somewhat modern Spanish colonial building, although I have been unsuccessful in finding pictures of the structure.  I found a parking place and walked to the main entrance, beyond which was a registration table.  I recognized a couple of the men standing near the entrance from having seen them at AA meetings in LA's South Bay area.

         The only picture I've been able to          
locate of Manresa - One of the 
Chapel Doors shown in a book of 
Mid-Century Architecture in America,
Honor Awards of the AIA, 1949-1961

I checked in and was assigned a room.  Soon I had stowed my clothes, washed up for dinner, and returned to the dining hall.  Dinner was served cafeteria style.  After we were seated, the blessing was invoked, and a series of short introductions followed.  I can't recall the name of the spiritual leader's name, but he was a recovering alcoholic Jesuit priest from Spring Hill College in Mobile, Alabama.  

One of the more interesting introductions was of a man who had just celebrated his first AA birthday.  It seems that the previous year, this fellow had attended his first AA meeting and was clearly desperate to get sober.  A number of the men at the meeting where he happened to show up were regular attendees at this retreat.  They took up a special collection, got him some clean clothes and a bath, and had brought him out to Manresa on his second day sober.  Over the serving line was an abstract painting of the Last Supper.  It was done in powerful sweeping shapes in vivid and brilliant colors.  The fellow, now sober for a year, explained that when he entered the room the first time, he saw that painting and thought he was experiencing hallucinations related to delirium tremens (DTs), an experience that he had been very familiar with.  His story brought the house down with laughter.

As I recall, we were given a schedule of AA mini-meetings, periods of prayer and meditation, and opportunities for one-on-one meetings if we wanted them.  I specifically recall periods of reflection walking through the exquisitely kept Manresa gardens.

I met Father Terry, more properly Father Father Terrance L. Mahan, head of the Manresa Retreat House. He was perfect for the job, deeply spiritual, but with an outgoing, warm personality.  I found a quote from Father Terry in a Los Angeles Times article on religious retreat houses in southern California done in the 1970s.  “It’s more and more true today that people live a mad life,” he said.  “To spend a weekend where you do not have telephones or people pressing you for one thing or another allows you to give to yourself and reflect upon your higher power, your God, whatever you might believe in.
“It can have a great deal of meaning.”

I met a gentleman named Mike at Manresa who had been sober for several years.  He had also served time in prison for murder.  I asked him to hear my fifth step and he accepted.  It was a transformative experience.  There's something very liberating about putting the past behind us and moving forward.  I still had many steps ahead:

Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Ah, yes, those amends.  I had those to still look forward to.

I recall that on Sunday morning, as we gathered for breakfast, the priest who was leading the retreat rose and asked for our attention. "The Catholic Church is kind of funny in its attitude about Holy Communion.  Even though Jesus was really inclusive in His ministry, the Church only wants Catholics to receive Communion in the church.  As far as I'm concerned, if any of you plan to attend my Mass at 9:00 AM in the chapel, you're all honorary Catholics.  I won't be checking IDs."  His remarks really captured the spirit of fellowship that prevailed that weekend.

I shall long remember Manresa the place and Manresa the experience.

Even today, when I reflect on those who have contributed to my sobriety, I think about Frank and my many other sponsors, people like Mike and the other folks I've met in AA, and the clergy, recovering and otherwise, who have helped make the spiritual journey so uplifting,