Frank Priest and the Penguin Collection

I've seen the quote, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”  The origin is uncertain, but I have found it to be evident in my life, especially during the last 35 years.  Those are the years during which I have learned to live a happy, joyous, and free life through the twelve step program of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Early in my sobriety, my employer sent me on an assignment to Hughes Electronics in El Segundo, California.  I spent several months there.  My AA colleagues in Huntsville suggested that I get to lots of AA meetings while in southern California and that I would be wise to find a local sponsor while out there.  A sponsor is an individual who has accumulated a few months or years of sobriety and who assists a newcomer in navigating through the twelve-step recovery program.

As things turned out, I was living in an apartment in Inglewood that my employer had rented.  To avoid the worst of the morning rush hour traffic, I started attending an AA meeting at 6:45 AM in the town of Hawthorne, which was very close to the Hughes plant.  I would drive to Hawthorne before the traffic was too dense and enjoy the fellowship, splendid coffee, and fresh donuts of the Attitude Adjustment group of Alcoholics Anonymous each weekday morning.  Then I would proceed directly to the Hughes facility a few minutes before the workday started.  It was a great arrangement.

At that time, this AA group was an interesting mix of three-piece suited aerospace executives and street people all of whom shared the same challenge - remaining sober for another 24 hours.  The unwritten rule was that this would always be a group focusing on positive themes for the day.  It was generally upbeat and had an optimistic outlook.  It was in this environment that I first encountered Frank Priest.  (In AA we have a tradition of anonymity, but since Frank is deceased, I'm sure he would have no issues with my using his full name.  He once told me he was about as anonymous as sliced bread, whatever that may mean.)

I had only been attending this meeting for a few days when I took note of this older gentleman who often shared his thoughts and who clearly was a fervent believer in the power of the twelve-step program of recovery from alcoholism.  He evidently had been sober quite a while (I learned later that at the time he had 37 years sober.).  I decided to ask "Frank P." if he would consider being my sponsor.

When I asked Frank, his response took me by surprise.  "How many meetings have you been to this week?"  I told him I'd been to about 10 or 12 meetings.  "What kinds of meetings?  If I decide to sponsor you, you'll attend the meetings I tell you to."  In most areas, there are different kinds of AA meetings -- speaker meetings where a recovering alcoholic shares their story, discussion meetings at which members share their experience or thoughts on some suggested topic, etc.  Frank had strong views on which kinds of meetings were beneficial for newcomers.  Ultimately, Frank became my sponsor.  He also became a dear friend.

I also got to know Francie, his wife of more than thirty years.  He had actually become sober before they met, bur Francine Priest was a devout believer in the Alanon program for family members of alcoholics.  She attended several meetings a week.  She and Frank were also active in many recovery oriented charities throughout the South Bay area.

Frank was a senior executive with Northrop Corporation, whose headquarters were located in Hawthorne, very close to the AA meeting place.  He was one of the three-piece suit contingent each morning.  Frank began not only advising me which meetings I should be attending, he would frequently pick me up after work at the Hughes facility and take me to dinner and thence to a meeting of his choice.

One evening he took me to a meeting adjacent to a city-run detoxification clinic.  Most of the people in this meeting were in the first 48 hours without a drink.  The place reeked of stale booze and sweat.  Very few participants could speak coherently.  After we left the meeting, I asked Frank why he had taken me there.  "We'll be going there every week, as I have for the past several years.  It's important that we never forget how bad it could have gotten."  Moments like that made Frank a very special and treasured sponsor.

One evening, Frank picked me up in his Cadillac to take me to dinner and a meeting.  We began cruising toward Downey as I asked him where we were going.  "We're going to West Covina to a men's group meeting.  You're tonight's speaker!"  I was petrified.  I didn't feel ready to share my brief story, but Frank knew better.  The meeting was in an auditorium-like setting.  Across the stage curtain was a giant banner proclaiming "The World Headquarters of Sobriety!"  I opened my comments noting that there was no issue with humility in this group.

One weekend, Frank acquired a reservation for a weekend retreat at Manresa retreat center.  He gave that pass to me as a gift.  I got to attend my first (of several) AA retreat.

One time years earlier when Frank was on a business trip, someone gave him a set of salt and pepper shakers in the shape of two penguins.  Someone in his office started the myth that Frank collected penguins in any form.  Soon the penguin collection was underway,  By the time I befriended Frank and Francie, they had set aside a "Penguin Room" in their Torrance home.  There were penguin statues, stuffed penguins, penguin art, wind-up walking penguins, ash trays, lighters. calendars and penguin emblazoned dishes.  But one of the most incredible penguin items was hand made and very special.

As Frank had accumulated his years of sobriety, he had made hundreds of friends in the recovery communities of southern California.  One happened to be a recovering sculptress.  On Frank's thirty-fifth AA birthday, she had made a skating rink using a glass mirror as the pond's surface, surrounded by hills of sculpted clay, complete with pine trees.  And on the skating surface were thirty-five skating penguins in every imaginable pose - spinning, dancing, speeding, and fallen.  And each year, this lovely lady gave Frank another skating penguin to add to the rink.  It was one of the most treasured of all the aggregated penguins.

Frances "Francie" Priest
1929-2008

After I left California, we corresponded for many years.  Frank and Francie remained active into their advanced years, always supporting recovery organizations and activities.  Frank died in 1994.  He was 73 years old.  Francie, who had been his loving bride since 1951, lived until 2008.  Her obituary spoke of her moving to Los Angeles from Kansas in 1949: "There she lived with her brother Jerry & Lucille Tholen and their family in Westchester, and worked as a secretary on the Loyola University campus. Through Jerry & Lucille, Francie met Frank Priest, the love of her life, as he was attending Loyola on the GI Bill. They married in 1951, raised 4 children and lived in Torrance California. Francie was a very active member of the school PTA, Girl Scout and Boy Scout organizations. Francie and Frank enjoyed many years of bridge and travel together and opened their home to countless friends, and friends of friends over the years. Francie became very involved with the House of Hope in San Pedro, and served on their board or as a Regent for over 15 years. Since 2005 she was an active patroness of the Special Children's League, South Bay Committee. Francie was perhaps best known however, as a great supporter for over 50 years of the Friends of Bill Wilson. She will be missed by all who ever knew her. Predeceased by her siblings; husband, Frank; and daughter, Leah Ann. Francie is survived by her children, Elaine, Mike and Tom and their spouses, David, Kellie and Laura; and grandchildren, Ryan and Katie. We miss your sweet ways, your wisdom and gentle humor."

I asked Frank Priest to be my sponsor in 1984.  I received so much more than I ever could have expected.  “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”