A Manresa Retreat...

The Palm Tree Lined Drive Entering the Manresa Property

I have written previously about Frank Priest, who was one of my first sponsors in the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Frank was a very important influence in my early recovery.  He guided me through the twelve step program with compassion but also with a level of discipline that I sorely needed.  Much of the time that I spent with Frank involved conversations about the steps, my progress in proceeding through them, and Frank's guidance on my continued growth.

Step four of the twelve step program is, "[We] made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."  I had proceeded under Frank's guidance to complete this "inventory" step, when one day he called me at Hughes Aircraft, where I was working.  "What are your plans for the weekend?"  Coming from Frank, that could have had all kinds of implications.  I told him that I had no plans.  "There's a men's AA retreat this weekend at Manresa, and I've made a reservation for you.  I'll cover half the cost.  It'd be a good time to do your fifth step. (Fifth Step - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.)  You need to do this.  Are you in?"

I agreed to go, but had to ask what and where Manresa was, what was a men's AA retreat, and a number of other questions.  I'd never heard of an AA retreat. The answers were fascinating.

Manresa was a Jesuit-run retreat house in Azusa, California.  This was about 40 miles from where I was working.  Frank informed me that check-in was Friday afternoon, that most guys would arrive in time for dinner, which would be served at 6:00 PM in a common dining hall.  He informed me that the tradition of conducting men's AA retreats at Manresa had begun with a recovering alcoholic priest lovingly referred to as Father Barney and that they had been held for several years.  This annual retreat was a continuation of the first one, held in the 1960s.  Although there were now a number of retreats focusing on recovery hosted throughout the year at Manresa, this was the "real deal," going back some twenty years.  Frank assured me that I would benefit from some fellowship with new AA friends, some profound discussion meetings, prayer and meditation, and completing my fifth step.

A little research reveals some interesting history about the Manresa property.  There's a Web site devoted to the "Father Barney Retreat" that continues to this day.  That site informs us, "In 1947 the property for the new Jesuit Retreat House, to be called “Manresa”, was purchased from two descendant sisters of the early Slauson family in Azusa, California.  The land was once part of the old Rancho Azusa from the early 1800’s.  A large portion of the property was sold to the Monrovia Nursery, and, was to become the largest potted plant nursery in the country.  The Retreat center was located on an island of land within the nursery property and jutted up against the foothills at the east end of the San Gabriel Valley. A very long palm tree lined driveway connected Manresa to the outside world.  The Jesuits owned and operated the Retreat House from 1947 to 1994."

I asked someone at work that week how long I should allow to drive to Azusa on Friday afternoon to arrive in time for sign-in and dinner.  I was shocked when people suggested I leave by 2:30 PM.  This was to drive from El Segundo to Azusa - a distance of around 40 miles!  Allow 3-1/2 hours!  I was told, "You'll be taking the 105 and the 605. They're both like parking lots on Friday afternoon."  I left at 2:30 on Friday.  I barely made it in time.

I recall distinctly driving into a tree-lined road that went through countless acres of flowers with hundreds of laborers tending them as I approached what looked like a mansion in the middle of nowhere.  This was Manresa, and a magic place it was.  It was an imposing somewhat modern Spanish colonial building, although I have been unsuccessful in finding pictures of the structure.  I found a parking place and walked to the main entrance, beyond which was a registration table.  I recognized a couple of the men standing near the entrance from having seen them at AA meetings in LA's South Bay area.

         The only picture I've been able to          
locate of Manresa - One of the 
Chapel Doors shown in a book of 
Mid-Century Architecture in America,
Honor Awards of the AIA, 1949-1961

I checked in and was assigned a room.  Soon I had stowed my clothes, washed up for dinner, and returned to the dining hall.  Dinner was served cafeteria style.  After we were seated, the blessing was invoked, and a series of short introductions followed.  I can't recall the name of the spiritual leader's name, but he was a recovering alcoholic Jesuit priest from Spring Hill College in Mobile, Alabama.  

One of the more interesting introductions was of a man who had just celebrated his first AA birthday.  It seems that the previous year, this fellow had attended his first AA meeting and was clearly desperate to get sober.  A number of the men at the meeting where he happened to show up were regular attendees at this retreat.  They took up a special collection, got him some clean clothes and a bath, and had brought him out to Manresa on his second day sober.  Over the serving line was an abstract painting of the Last Supper.  It was done in powerful sweeping shapes in vivid and brilliant colors.  The fellow, now sober for a year, explained that when he entered the room the first time, he saw that painting and thought he was experiencing hallucinations related to delirium tremens (DTs), an experience that he had been very familiar with.  His story brought the house down with laughter.

As I recall, we were given a schedule of AA mini-meetings, periods of prayer and meditation, and opportunities for one-on-one meetings if we wanted them.  I specifically recall periods of reflection walking through the exquisitely kept Manresa gardens.

I met Father Terry, more properly Father Father Terrance L. Mahan, head of the Manresa Retreat House. He was perfect for the job, deeply spiritual, but with an outgoing, warm personality.  I found a quote from Father Terry in a Los Angeles Times article on religious retreat houses in southern California done in the 1970s.  “It’s more and more true today that people live a mad life,” he said.  “To spend a weekend where you do not have telephones or people pressing you for one thing or another allows you to give to yourself and reflect upon your higher power, your God, whatever you might believe in.
“It can have a great deal of meaning.”

I met a gentleman named Mike at Manresa who had been sober for several years.  He had also served time in prison for murder.  I asked him to hear my fifth step and he accepted.  It was a transformative experience.  There's something very liberating about putting the past behind us and moving forward.  I still had many steps ahead:

Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Ah, yes, those amends.  I had those to still look forward to.

I recall that on Sunday morning, as we gathered for breakfast, the priest who was leading the retreat rose and asked for our attention. "The Catholic Church is kind of funny in its attitude about Holy Communion.  Even though Jesus was really inclusive in His ministry, the Church only wants Catholics to receive Communion in the church.  As far as I'm concerned, if any of you plan to attend my Mass at 9:00 AM in the chapel, you're all honorary Catholics.  I won't be checking IDs."  His remarks really captured the spirit of fellowship that prevailed that weekend.

I shall long remember Manresa the place and Manresa the experience.

Even today, when I reflect on those who have contributed to my sobriety, I think about Frank and my many other sponsors, people like Mike and the other folks I've met in AA, and the clergy, recovering and otherwise, who have helped make the spiritual journey so uplifting,

An Encounter with the Jesuits... Circa 1969

I returned to school in 1967 to earn an engineering degree at the University of Oklahoma.  Fortunately, I found a good-paying job in the Office of Financial Aids that gave me great flexibility in the hours that I could work.  To avoid conflicts with my classes, I worked almost every Saturday (the office was open from 8:00 AM to Noon).

The financial aids department was on the second floor of the old Carnegie Building between the Evans Hall, the Administration Building and Monnet Hall, which served as the Law School building.  It faced the North Oval, more officially, the Parrington Oval.  Our offices were across an open reception area from the university's counseling services department.  On one wall of this open area was a book rack filled with brochures from many different professional organizations, other colleges and universities, and recruiting organizations.

One Saturday, probably in the Spring of 1969, I arrived at work early and happened to notice a brochure in that book rack that was to shape my life for several months.  It was a recruitment brochure published by the Missouri Province of the Society of Jesus (The Jesuits), an order of Roman Catholic Priests who were known for their educational and missionary achievements.  I had known a couple of individuals who had entered the Jesuit order and I had the highest regard for them.  One was a Father James Kelly from my home town, who never missed an opportunity to visit my grandmother when he visited his family in Schenectady.  I have no clue what the connection was, but I vividly remember "Father James" coming to our home.  I was always entranced by his tales of missionary work in Central and South America among indigenous people.

I picked up the brochure and took it to my office.  It was still early and there were no clients.  I read through the brochure and was very impressed.  Some of the work that the St. Louis Province was engaged in interested me.  I had thought seriously of the priesthood when I was younger (Doesn't every Catholic boy?).  I had recently experienced a fairly robust re-energizing of my Catholic faith by my involvement with a unique interfaith experiment called the "Community of John XXIII."  So without too much hesitation, I sent in a post card attached to the brochure expressing interest in talking to their "recruiter," a young priest named Joseph Damhorst (I think they referred to him as a Director of Vocations or some such title).

A couple of weeks later, I was in my apartment on a Saturday afternoon when someone knocked on my front door.  I answered it to be greeted by a very tall individual who introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Big Joe Damhorst.  Some folks call me Damn Big Joehorst..  I'm with the Jesuits at Rockhurst College.  I'm here because I was in Oklahoma City on business and had recently gotten a postcard from you.  You are Bob Mead I hope."  I invited Joe in and offered him a drink and a seat.

Father Joe Damhorst and I had a wonderful conversation over the next several hours about life and vocations in general, the Catholic priesthood as a calling, and even more specifically a life of service to God as a Jesuit.  Our conversation was long ranging and very personal.  I recall his describing the challenge of ensuring that the young men entering the Jesuit seminary were mature enough to make an informed decision with such profound meaning in their lives.  They were not looking for high school graduates with zero life experience.  I was an unusual respondent to their publicity brochure because I was older, already a college graduate, a military veteran, and still single at 29 years of age.

By the time Joe left, I had decided to look further into this special life of service, I had some reading to do, some time of prayer, and I agreed to go to Rockhurst College in the coming weeks to spend a few weekends at the Jesuit residence, and make some individually-directed spiritual retreats under the guidance of Joe Damhorst.

A few weeks later, I took a Friday off and left Thursday afternoon for Kansas City.  I think I slept in my car somewhere enroute.  I arrived Friday afternoon having found the Jesuit house using paper maps (remember those?).  One interesting memory I have of that first weekend was that one of the priests had lost his father the day that I arrived.  The Jesuit community, I would estimate about twenty priests, had a memorial Mass in their modest chapel, after which they ordered pizza and beer to celebrate the man's life.  I recall the contagious joy of celebrating a Christian life well lived and the knowledge that this good man was now in the presence of his creator.  One interesting memory: I met a retired Jesuit priest named Thomas Bowdern that weekend who was the former President of Creighton University.  He was an activist for racial equality and women’s rights in the 1960s.  I learned that his brother, William Bowdern, was also a Jesuit, and was the priest who had performed an exorcism in 1949 on which was based the movie, "The Exorcist."  Needless to say, it was a memorable weekend, filled with new friendships, great fellowship, and spiritual growth.  I had much to think about on the drive back to Norman, Oklahoma.

I spent a lot of time during that weekend and several subsequent weekends in prayer and meditation and long conversations with Father Joe trying to discern whether I truly was being called by God to this life.

On one weekend, I traveled to Columbia, Missouri, where another Jesuit colleague was serving as both a faculty member in the department of Electrical Engineering and as the Catholic Chaplain at the University of Missouri.  I had asked Joe what might my career path as a Jesuit and an engineer look like.  He responded by suggesting I spend a weekend with this other engineer who had been ordained a few years earlier and then gone on to get doctorates in both theology and electrical engineering.

I made a number of retreats, met a large group of exceptional priests, developed a deep respect for the Jesuit order in general and their procedure for vetting potential seminary candidates.  I learned that the Jesuit way of life involved a dedication to six fundamental values, six values that are known as the principles of the Jesuits:

• Magis, meaning “more.” This is the challenge to strive for excellence.
• Women & men for and with others: Sharing gifts, pursuing justice, and having concern for the poor and marginalized.
• Cura Personalis: “Care for the individual person.” Respecting each person as a child of God and all of God’s creations.
• Unity of Heart, Mind, & Soul: Developing the whole person and integrating all aspects of one's life.
• Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam: All effort must be for the Greater Glory of God
• Forming & Educating Agents of Change: Teaching behaviors that reflect critical thought and responsible action on moral and ethical issues.

Father Joe Damhorst,
living today in Denver

 Ultimately, I concluded that this was not the life that God had in store for me, but Joe Damhorst and I corresponded for quite some time after I had reached that conclusion.  I felt then and still feel that my time with Joe and his fellow Jesuits was an important part of my spiritual journey.

Many years later, when I sought a place in which to get married, it was more than a coincidence that the priest who married Margo Burge and Robert Mead, Father Jeff Burton, was a Jesuit.  I have the utmost respect for this uniquely dedicated society of individuals who have devoted their lives to missionary work and education.

By the way, I have recently learned that Father Joe is still living and resides in the Denver area.  You can rest assured that he will be made aware of this post.